Wednesday, October 15

How to be unpopular on social media

A ten step guide to losing friends in the world of tweets, likes and pins (with links to additional and sometimes funny resources).

Step 1:

Forget everything you ever learnt about grammar and spelling. If you can't be bothered using an apostrophe then don't! If you end up with an apostrophe catastrophe then that is totally fine.

Step 2:

If you see a hashtag trending and can somehow relate it into your tweet then go for it! Just make sure you don't look up the tag to see what it is actually referring to first. See number 4 in this list.

Step 3:

Emojis are to social media as exclamation marks were to emails in the early noughties. The more you have the more exciting and eye-catching you are. You could even make emoji cookies and add them to a pinterest board!

Step 4:

If people post to your wall/tweet you/mention you etc then you can reply when (or if) you feel like it! An even better option is to set up an auto-response which will leave you more time to post pictures of your brunch/cat/inspirational fitness quote. If you're lucky something like this will happen and people will be talking about your replies all over the net!

Step 5:

Don't complete your profile or have a profile picture, this makes you look mysterious and you might even generate enough hype to become the Loch Ness Monster of the social media world.

Step 6:

Remember: You should only post things that are important to you. Venting or complaining are a great way of gaining attention.

Step 7:

Don't bother keeping your page up-to-date. Social media is not at all an interactive and constantly evolving form of communication so you can pretty much make a page and leave it at that. The Allianz Australia page is doing a top job of this!

Step 8:

Spam away! Posting the same thing over and over will mean that people can't miss it. You can up the ante even further by posting the same thing across a variety of social media feeds. For the truly dedicated spammers you can tag random people in your post to get in touch with their networks too.

Step 9:

Don't let people post to your page. The world isn't interested in what they have to say about you, just what you have to say about yourself! Lots of top companies are putting this to use: The McDonald's Facebook page is a great example.

Step 10:

There is no need to give sources for things you say, share or post on social media. It is commonly understood that once you put something online it isn't yours anymore and other people can claim it as their own without any real-world repercussions. Who cares about copyright anyway, this selfie-taking monkey sure doesn't.

P.S. To reiterate step 10 I am definitely not going to provide links to any articles, lists or guides that I looked at while I was compiling this blog post.

P.P.S. This is an update to say you should also definitely not look at this infographic that a fellow student, Cynthia, posted to her blog!

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